Manny Pacquiao and Other Boxers Accused of Using Steroids

I’m aware Marion Jones sailed through 160 tests without a hitch yet was doping the whole time.

But everyone can just relax about steroids. I’m serious; there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

Haven’t you heard? Our greatest champion for truth is on the case. Oh, even better, he’s been on it for four years now. I’m sorry the news didn’t reach you sooner. Is he reliable? Can you trust his integrity? What are his credentials? Please. That’s all been taken care of.

Well maybe this will clear things up: he’s not just our greatest champion. He’s God’s champion. Just ask Evander Holyfield if you don’t believe me (or watch him evade any post-fight interview question and lapse his way into a belligerent rant about Jesus). His word is more than enough for me to push my chips in.

Think Atticus Finch on moral HGH, Agoviron, Dianabol, Testosterone Enanthate, Deca-Durabolin, H.C.G., Masteron, Nolvadex, Cytomel, L-Thyroxine, Testosterone Propionate, T3, etc…

Don’t you feel better now knowing the formerly contentious issue polluting the pure-as-freshly-driven-snow heart of sports has been solved? Thank the “Real Deal.”